I Snapped!

I lost my shit at work today.

I actually got so frustrated that I went into another room and started rehearsing my "I-Can't-Do-This-Shit-Today-So-I'm-Going-Home" speech. I even imagined my Boss's response and rehearsed my rebuttal. It was gonna be a tough sell, after two weeks away. So, eventually, I sucked it up and went back to the grind.

But I still snapped. Twice.

Part of the frustration is that we are still not caught up on all the work that is backlogged from when the senior member of our department went away for four weeks, the same four weeks that resulted in us dealing with Lazy Douchebag. And that same senior member has requested--and received--another two weeks off starting on Thursday. Neither my co-worker nor I are best pleased.

It's not that we begrudge her the time, as she's earned it. It's the timing we mind. Not only are we still backlogged, especially in filling, but we've been getting more mail than usual and The Powers That Be have altered how we do it, so it takes twice as long to process. Also, it's coming up on tax season and we have to get several thousand T4s and T4A slips into the mail before the end of February. And that's in addition to all of our regular tasks.

Today was especially challenging because the machine we use to stuff the T4s into envelopes is notoriously sensitive and was being an asshole. I couldn't stuff more than ten envelopes at a time before it jammed up, and when it jams, that's three envelopes I have to do by hand. Add to that the fact that the sealer wasn't working properly and I was starting to really resent being in that room doing that stupid work.

I blew a hype just to vent some steam at my co-worker, who doesn't handle conflict well. She understood that I wasn't displeased with her, but still isn't comfortable around large displays of negative emotion. J. took me downstairs for lunch, which helped, but only temporarily, because the moment I entered the office, the senior member (the one who is leaving the day after tomorrow) told me that I needed to go through every single envelope that I had stuffed that morning and pick out all the ones that weren't sufficiently sealed.

That's when I went off the second time.

"I know you want to swear," said the senior member.

"I want to go home!" I informed her. "This is crap! Why do we have the machine if it doesn't do the work we need it to do? (It's always being serviced, out of commision, etc). It doesn't save us work, it makes work..." I indicated the large pile of envelopes that needed sealing. "Just like this!"

It had taken me hours, literally hours, to do what should have been a quick and easy job of 45 - 60 minutes, and I couldn't get to any of my other tasks for the day until the T4s were done because the senior member wanted to post them before she left at 3:00. And then to come back, thinking I was all finally all finished, to learn that I had to pick through every single one?

Yes, I was very displeased and needed to leave the room to calm down.

I'm hoping that other job gets posted soon, because I'm not going to last much longer where I am.