Drug Douchebaggery

Now that I am no longer a peon in the mail room, I am a data entry clerk. People may blanch at this, but seriously, no matter how tedious the task, I am consistently grateful and mindful that it's not mail. Or filing. Or wrestling with that satanic inserter machine.

One of my new responsibilities is going line-by-line through the pharmacy fee guides for the various provinces to make sure that the version we have is the most updated one, so that the retarded processors on the 4th floor know what to pay the providers when members (i.e. refugees) get medications prescribed to them.

Right now, I'm working on the Atlantic Fee Guide, so if you want to know how much Resperidone costs in Halifax, I'm your huckleberry. I can always tell when a medication has been designed specifically for use by women, because it always has the suffix "vag". It will look like this: "Apo-Reallylonglatinword Vag".

This pisses me off. I cannot, for the life of me, tell which drugs are designed for men and their weiners, because none of these medications have "wang" or "rod" in the title. You don't ever see "Novo-EquallylongLatinword Penis". The closest we get to male-specific medications are the ones with the "procto" prefix. However, given the fact that all women have assholes (with the possible exception of The Queen. On the ther hand, she is married to Philip), we can't really make a case for those being boy drugs. Yet for some reason, drug companies feel the need to single out the creams, ointments and douches we use on our fairy pockets.

So, WTF? Is this information really necessary? And for whose benefit is it? Not the patient's. Gawd knows, if I have a yeast infection bad enough that I want to either

a) use a bottle brush on my box, or
b) let the doctor stick the world's longest Q-Tip into my hoo-hoo, or
c) all of the above,

chances are, I know that the prescription handed to me concerns my vajayjay. So is this for the pharmacist's benefit? Do they need to know? Just hand over the prescription and I'll be on my way. And don't bother explaining how to use the applicator, or my "VAG" product will become a "PROCTO" one.

Also? Most medications designed for kids come as a syrup and have a suppository option. If you can't stuff it down their non-compliant throats, you can always shove it up their asses.