Thursday, 12 October 2017

Who Could It Be?

In another week or so, I am going on holidays. I'm not going anywhere, I'm sticking around the house, but let me tell you; this week-and-a-half off can't come quickly enough. 

Work has been one long, endless series of cuntastic mishaps and shitolicious encounters that make just being there a challenge to my mental health. 

Here are two typical examples of fucked up bullshit from claimants that I have had to deal with just this week.

1. Elderly Dumbfuck
Mr. E. Dumbfuck is on the bus with his walker. He rings the bell to get off. As there is some confusion as to where Dumbfuck wants off, the driver asks, "This stop or the next?"

"The next," says the frail old shitbag.

"Maybe you should sit down then," says the driver, but no, "I've-Got-This" declines this helpful advice. 

I know you see it coming. All of you are bright people. 

So, yes, as the bus decelerates, Dumbfuck loses his balance and goes ass-over-walker, sustaining injury. This does not, however, stop him from attempting to file a bodily injury claim with the City.


2. Church Lady
We received a voicemail from a claimant who claims to have been involved in a pedestrian collision with a City bus. There was some question about the claim, however, since neither the driver, nor his supervisor, who was on the bus at the time of the alleged incident, recall anything of the sort. The claimant called in today to advise her adjuster to close the file. She explained that she wouldn't be pursuing the claim, because the "accident was caused by Satan."

And, as everyone knows, no municipality in the world is liable for the actions of Satan.

Please only watch the first 30 seconds of this, as the rest of it will rot your brain. You've been warned.

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