Thursday, 13 July 2017

White Douchebaggery

Thanks for your patience, kids. It's been a while, I know, but the douchebaggery has been plentiful since I wrote last. It would be hard to encapsulate for you just how many examples of entitled fucking whining I've had to endure over the last month or so, so I'm not even going to try. 

No, I'm not going to describe the pinhead who is pounded outta shape because kids have been kicking soccer balls against her fence for years, so she wants us to replace it.

And I'm not going to describe the obvious clusterfuckery of the privileged twat in a Lincoln Navigator who hit a traffic barricade, but thinks we're to blame for his shitty driving. I hope that ignorant pignut chokes on it when we charge him for the replacement of the barrier.

And I'm sure you can all get behind my glee when I had to transcribe a phone call from some drunk cumsplat who dropped the F bomb every second word, and invited us to "CALL ME BACK, MOTHERFUCKERS!" I'm tellin' ya, that call made my whole day.

No, I'm going to take a break from municipal douchebaggery to talk about White People Behaving Badly. It happens a lot, especially in relation to other people who are not white. White People just can't--as a rule--get their shit together. They either make assholes of themselves trying to show how inclusive and liberal they are, or they're just outright fucktards.

One of my colleagues came to my desk a month ago around noon hour to ensure that I wasn't leaving the office. There was an anti-Islamic rally going on in the square in front of our building, you see, and she was concerned that in my quest for food that won't make my Nazi bastard bowel (named Klaus) punish me for eating, I would pick a fistfight with the slack-jawed biker dudes demonstrating against our Muslim brothers and sisters.

Cuz this is the kind of thing I am inclined to do. I've been seen challenging the dipshit streetside preacher who shows up at noon hour and yaps about how we're at war with God, and only Jesus can mediate on our behalf, but you can't bow down to Mecca twelve times a day or worship the Virgin Mary. This kind of shit just sets me off. I will just stand there in front of this prick with my middle finger upraised until he can't ignore me anymore, and then I will inform him that Muslims only bow to Mecca five times a day and that the Virgin is just the female face of God and that if he's going to spread hate about other faiths, he should get his facts straight.

And then sometimes, I invite him to die in a fire. And I'm encouraged by the fact that I'm not the only one, that other (white) people also get all up in his hateful bidness on a regular basis.

But most of the time, what I see are White People Behaving Badly. Like this anti-Islamic rally, for example. How deeply insecure and terrified do you have to be to go the trouble of organizing a rally about brown people? Sheesh. Get over your sorry racist selves.

I have a couple of Islamic colleagues at work. One of them--I'll call her Fatima, cuz why not?--dropped by my desk the other day to tell me about her trip to the mountains the week before. She went with a couple of female friends, two of whom were wearing hijabs. At one of the region's very beautiful lakes, they encountered a (white) woman who was renting canoes and other unmotorized watercraft. Bambi fell all over herself trying to make Fatima and her friends feel welcome.

She reassured them that everyone was welcome there and they were welcome to do whatever they felt was necessary (pray, I guess? Not eat pork by the lakeside? I dunno). I mean, I know her intentions were good, but Fatima said it was a little over the top. Like, mildly embarrassing.

But at least her heart was in the right place.

Unlike the older woman at breakfast the following morning. This mature woman of a certain age was openly gawking at the Muslim ladies, especially the ones in their hijabs. And she didn't bother to lower her voice when she said to her male companion, "My god, they must be so hot!"

Well, no, Mature White Woman With No Apparent Volume Control, they aren't. Because if you bothered to look at the world around you, you'd see that people in very warm countries know that it makes more sense to put on more clothes than fewer when the weather gets hot. They look at us stripping down to shorts and t-shirts and think, "Soon? You will be brown!" 

But more to the point, honey, if you have questions or curiousity about other cultures, there are lots of places you can go to educate your damn self. You could, oh, I dunno, ASK ONE OF THEM. Because they'd much sooner you talk to them than about them. 

And if you're not curious and all you want to do is be a giant, pale douchebag, then you can deepthroat a cactus, mayonnaise monkey.

Grow up.

2 comments:

Keith said...

This whole white privilege thing, combined with my recent retirement (at least for now), has me wondering if white men should even be allowed out in public without a minder. Seeing what people get up to during the times I normally spent in the office has me ready to drink even more than I usually do, typically wanting to start as soon as I get out of the car on the return home from an errand.

My cube farm roomies at my last day job were a guy from India who had spent much of his life in USA or Canada, working at even a wider variety of jobs than I've had. He's an engineer and he's working on his MBA. The other full time resident was a 2nd year engineering student, born in Canada of Chinese parents. In addition to English he speaks fluent Cantonese and pretty good Mandarin. Both are working hard to move ahead in their professional lives. The other residents were even more part time than me, just as white, and even older.

We had some great conversations about life in general from their perspective complete with lurid examples that would be right at home on your blog. I look at how some white people are losing their shit just because we are trying to get them to realize that everyone has the right to participate openly in our society. Then they completely lose their minds when we actively work to include people other than white men in the decision making processes (government and private industry, AND life in general).

And that's before I tell them I'd seriously consider a proposal that for the next (say) 100 years we don't allow white men to run for public office. (Or orange men either, but that's a much bigger separate topic.) Look how fucked up things were when they were the only people running things. How could it be worse? I mean, other than functionally retarded white men missing out on their outsized portion of the gravy train that they think they deserve. Ooooohhhhh! I'm getting all wound up here, and might blurt out a rant on my own blog.

Philippe de St-Denis said...

I am so fucking tired of white people.